Over the past few years, my best friend has been doing things that have made me question our friendship.

Whenever I share something positive in my life, like a promotion or an exciting opportunity, she never shows any enthusiasm. It’s like my wins barely register. She doesn’t support my endeavours either. I’ve organised a few online events and webinars for women in a specific field, and she didn’t attend a single one, even though she works in that exact field. When I told her about my promotion at work, she left me on read. She knew how close I was to my grandma, and when I let her know she had passed away, her response wasn’t comforting at all.

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Loving louder than I’m loved

I’ve been too afraid to confront her about any of this, so I’ve stayed silent, but I can’t shake the feeling that this friendship is very one-sided. I do so much for her. I celebrate all her wins and milestones. I’ve shown up for her and her child. I check in on her regularly. I’ve bought her birthday gifts every year, and I even had flowers delivered to her home when she was grieving. But she’s never shown that same kind of care towards me.

The painful truth is that I’ve been resenting her for years, and she has absolutely no idea. I’m literally pretending to like her. I would even go as far as saying that my love for her is fading. I’m upset with myself for allowing this to continue and pretending that I’m okay with everything. I think what keeps pulling me back is that we do have good moments together. She’s good company when we do go out, we have fun. I love her kid too. 

My best friend knows all my secrets, and I know hers. But the one secret I’m carrying now, the biggest one of all, is that deep down, I resent her for how she treats me, and I don’t think I’ll ever be brave enough to tell her.