I’ve been married for just under 2 years, and my husband and I have only been intimate a handful of times. I’ve never spoken about this to anyone before. It’s something I’ve carried alone, along with feelings of shame, rejection and a sense of loss for what I thought marriage would look like with a man I love.

I feel caught between two difficult realities: If nothing changes, I worry that we’ll slowly grow apart, both physically and emotionally. But trying to force intimacy doesn’t feel like the answer either. It would feel unnatural and the discomfort would likely create more tension between us.

We have talked about it. Neither of us were virgins when we got together. We were both experienced, comfortable in our bodies, and aware of what we enjoy. While sex was something that I was never fully comfortable doing before marriage (I was a Christian, struggling with lust), I thought that getting married would finally help me feel more liberated during intimacy. Yet now that we are married, when it’s just the two of us, alone together, there seems to be an unspoken barrier. We hug, touch and kiss, but we never move beyond that. There’s very little arousal and eventually, nothing happens. We have no children – so really, these should be our best years, sexually speaking. What’s happening to us?

More recently, I’ve started to question whether we’re still attracted to each other. Over the past year, I’ve gained a lot of weight, something my husband has mentioned a few times, and I can’t help but wonder whether that plays a role.

When we discuss the lack of intimacy, he usually puts it down to being tired and lacking energy. I try to understand, but I’m left feeling confused. I’ve suggested sex therapy, but he laughed awkwardly and gave me a subtle “No”. I didn’t insist.

As for me, I’m exhausted from being the one to initiate, albeit reluctantly, only to have nothing reciprocated.

So I’m left with a question I never expected to ask so early in my marriage: Has my husband become asexual overnight? Please help.