I’m an influencer who is living a lie, and everyone has fallen for it.

It’s Sunday morning, the kids are still in bed. My husband and I have just finished our breakfast – eaten cold, mind you, because of the time it took me to capture the perfect photos before we took our first bite. I’m actually palpitating, because I’ve just seen a call for submissions for Liven Elle and I immediately felt the need to respond. Here I am, at this table, thinking about the words I’m going to use to tell the confession you’re about to read. My heart is pounding. Am I really about to do this?

I have been looking for a place to offload this burden for a long time. This is the story of how I, alongside my family, have been living a lie ever since we became influencers. I am sharing this with a huge amount of shame in my heart. None of the perfectly curated family content we’ve been putting out on our social media has been a true reflection of our reality. None of it.

I cannot go public with this or share identifying details, because I have a relatively large online following and some people would recognise me. It would affect our household income in ways we would probably never recover from.

I am living a lie.

And that is a fact.

I’m a married woman and a mother to amazing children. My family and I started creating content many years ago, after I posted a random “Day in the Life” video that generated a lot of engagement almost overnight. It didn’t exactly go viral, but people seemed to enjoy my style, and very quickly we became popular with young millennial families. They related to us, and the comments made that very clear. So I kept posting, very consistently.

But deep down, I knew my online content was a façade for some very dark things happening at home. You will understand more as I share my story.

I continued posting my content and growing my platforms. Instagram first, then TikTok, which grew even faster. Regular viral videos, double the engagement, constant momentum that led to actual longevity. I joined the Creator Fund and started making money from our family vlogs.

Showing our daily lives became a strange paradox. On screen, everything looked perfect. My children loved the camera, we made fun family videos that people adored, the numbers kept climbing and I was genuinely happy posting on social media. Brands came knocking, and I was soon able to go part-time in my 9-5 job, before eventually hand in my resignation to focus on my influencer journey.

But at home, we were struggling. And we still are today. My husband and I argue every single day. We no longer get along. The spark between us has gone completely, which is the exact opposite of the happiness we display online. You know, that loving, affectionate ‘social media couple’ who can’t get enough of each other. In reality, these past two years, he has spent days at a time living away from home because of how bad our marriage has become behind closed doors.

Having said that, he knows that creating content brings in financial perks he would not otherwise be able to secure as the breadwinner. We have some debt from recent trips we’ve taken and put on our credit card – trips that were booked with the main purpose of creating content for social media. A lot of what we do is to maintain a certain image online – but our bank accounts always say otherwise. We pretend a lot. We’re very good at it; and all of our followers seem to have fallen for it.

Through my content, I have portrayed my husband as the kind of man who does a lot around the house. I tell people he regularly washes the dishes, cooks, cleans… I’m sorry to report that none of this is true. He does no such thing unless I beg him, and even then, it becomes an unbearable fight every single time. You see the “weaponised incompetence” they talk about on social media…? My husband is the epitome of it. He has never changed a nappy in his life, nor has he ever cooked a healthy meal for us.

Online, I talk about him as being this amazing man. And in some ways, he is. He is the reason we were able to buy a home, he works hard and is a great dad. But he is far from amazing when it comes to the way he sometimes treats me. He has humiliated me in public, called me horrible names and hurt me in more ways than one, including physically. And that’s not to say I’m perfect; I’m definitely far from the ideal wife. But quite frankly, we have gone through way more downs than ups in our marriage. It often feels like we’re housemates rather than a married couple. Housemates who somehow become camera-ready the moment it’s time to perform for social media.

We have tried to work on our marriage several times, because ultimately we have hope that things could get better; but right now, we seem to be at a complete impasse. The main reason we choose to stay together is for the sake of the children and everything we have built.

Crazy? Maybe. But ending everything isn’t as easy as it sounds.

Life is good in some ways. Watching our children grow up brings us joy. Traveling and going out as a family is fun too, albeit expensive. But our emotional wellbeing, and romantic/intimate life is nothing like it used to be, and I cannot bring myself to show a hint of that side of our lives online. Even in this day and age where everyone keeps going on about “vulnerability” and “authenticity”…

A fake dream

My online persona is a complete lie too.
I am not the outgoing, warm, fun person I present myself as. I am actually quite bad-tempered and struggle with self-control in many areas of my life. I preach this idea of gentle parenting – but my daily truth is the complete opposite. I’m probably one of the least patient mothers you’ll ever come across. I beat myself up for the trauma I’ve probably inflicted on my kids with the way I speak to them sometimes. I thought I’d be the one to break that cycle but unfortunately I have already failed at this.

Don’t even get me started on my faith. I present myself as a strong Christian online, regularly posting Bible verses and worship songs. But I couldn’t tell you where my physical Bible even is. When was the last time I opened it? I genuinely do not know.

I can almost hear the questions: “Why? Why are you doing this? Why not live in your truth, quit social media, get a regular job, go to marriage counselling, or even divorce if it has come to this?”

I honestly do not have a clear answer.
I think social media has convinced me that I have to perform in order to be validated, followed and liked. If I show my vulnerabilities and the ugly sides of my life, my image (and income) would take a massive hit. The validation I get from the world would disappear and with it, my self-esteem.

Do I feel bad? Of course I do. But I also believe that this façade is working for us right now. In some strange way, it is an escape. A version of what my life could look like if things really did change. There’s an element of “Fake it til you make it” that is always at the back of my mind… except I’m not trying to become this super rich and famous woman. I’m just aspiring to a better marriage and a happier life.

Yet here I am, feeling broken, but also used to masking, used to the performance, and the ‘likes’ that come with it. And for now, I plan to maintain this performance. I suppose the only real relief is finally being able to write this down. I may never speak about it publicly on any of my platforms, but even this feels like a release. And for the first time in a long while, I already feel a little lighter for having told the truth here.

TW